Broken Ties.

Some days are better than others, but lately you been on my mind a lot more severely. Thinking back your physical being was present more often than not, but the essence of who are, and the connection I so dearly yearned for was in disappearance. But now the void of you, is a different kind of absence. Every since that call, my heart has geared itself in a different way. From being hostile towards you to thinking about how much I can’t help you and how much I want to. In this moment, I ask that you forgive me, as we are all fighting our own demons. Although, there were more frightened tears rolling down my face when in your presence, I have always had your back and you always had mine. More than anything you were my protector, but I needed more than just to be protected. I needed your love and your understanding. The gap between us continued to spread larger and larger. I was not taught anything about you men and what I needed to be aware of. Through the men I’ve encountered here and there, none of them have been successful. I see that what I need for you to do, they can’t do because everyday I am wanting and needing YOU. I did everything that you were suppose to do on my own and so I learned to live without you. I searched for a man’s love that I didn’t receive from you. But today, I write to ask for forgiveness. I am sorry, Dad. Through it all, I love you and will even fight for you. Even as a young child, when my mother would talk ill of you, I would defend this Father of mine because I knew and understood his struggle—even as a young child. Everyday I worry about where you are and how far. Have you eaten, where are you laying your head to rest. I think about your pain and how it is my pain too. I understand that we are connected more than we both know. You say you are great and okay, but I can see right through you as you talk to me on the phone. You are hurting. You are sad. You are struggling. Stop protecting me and start saving yourself. Every since Grandma passed away, I know your life went left. Mine did too , as she treated me as one of her own seeds. Through a handful of emails, the days I don’t hear from you, I lay in my bed as I cry out for you. My world stops…and so I write to you…

I feel as if I still don’t know you

What has happened beneath you and what is true

With you, I am drawn in circles

I need you to start believing in miracles

Your world has been dark 

But like you always told me, I am your Princess, and I was the light that made your life spark

With all my power, as a young Queen I can’t back down

With all my power, as your Daughter, we stand back up after every fall down 

I know you need me more than ever, but one day I so dearly hope you get it together

It’s in our genes to fight for what we love, but lately you been using your fist too much, and less of with your heart

And because of this, I see that you are tearing yourself apart 

The void has its muscles, but the love in the air is stronger

And it continues to exercise for its fighters

You and me are intertwined, always and forever no matter how far we are apart

One day, I hope my desire of your growth is as greater as yours for yourself to get better

Remember, your pain is my pain

Your love is my love

The very nature of Love is the way of life and it will last forever

So, I love you Dad.

Your Princess